Friday, September 10, 2010

Your Story Begins.....



You came into this world on September 8th 2010, you weighed 7 pounds 12 ounces, and were 21 inches long. The very first thing I noticed was your toes believe it or not. Let me be the first to apologize for your finger toes, you got them from me......and your banana boat feet. Your nose is mine, and you have your mom's mouth, lips, ears, hair, and to me, you smell like your momma. I've always loved the story your grandma Mimi tells about the day I was born (it almost happened in a library), that I thought it would be good for you to know your story. I want you to know that for the whole time I never left you, or you mom, I slept with you both, and made sure you were both safe and taken care of. Also, this story may upset you, but its the way you came into this world, and the importance of that is inherent. A week before you were born we went to see your Mom's doctor, we were headed there weekly by then. Everything looked great, in fact, your mom was already dilated (she was almost ready to have you). We left the doctor filled with anticipation and nervousness, and started preparing the house for you. I think we re-worked the house three times before we felt good about your room. Your Grandpa Jan helped me paint your room, and your Grandma Empress helped your mom wash all your clothes, and sheets. I put your dresser and crib together, and we were done. Then, we waited....waited and waited for you to come. On September 7th we went to see your mom's doctor again, and she hadn't progressed much, so they stripped the membrane surrounding you in the hopes you would come out. That night you were moving like we'd never felt before. Boy oh boy, we didn't expect you to come so soon, but that night your mom got up to go to the bathroom, and her water broke. I still can't remember what happened next, but what I do remember is how I couldn't stop myself from laughing, smiling, and even jumping from excitement while we got ready to go to the hospital. Your mom was great the whole time, even calming me down when I got too excited or nervous. We checked in, and went to room 204 in the hospital. Your mom was hooked up to IV's, and monitors went on her belly so we could hear your heartbeat the whole time. In the next few hours, your mom's contractions went up and down, getting stronger and closer together, signaling that you were getting ready to coming into this world. The morning of your birthday was a gorgeous one. Sunny, breezy and cool, the best days in San Francisco are in September and October, you'll be happy at every birthday party you have. Your mom had been contracting all night and was in tons of pain. One thing I'll tell you Sammy, we wouldn't have made it without the nurses. Michele was the one I'm most grateful for. When she first came in the room I was concerned, she's a tiny Asian woman, and I was concerned that she wouldn't be strong enough to help your mom, but never have I been more wrong about someone. Michele was precisely what your mom needed. Her tender and constant care made both your mom and I immediately comfortable. She checked on you like a mother hen, and did the same for your mom. She even ordered me breakfast and lunch to make sure I'd eat (I wouldn't leave your mom and eating was the farthest thing from my mind). Your mom contracted all morning and all day, but she wasn't making much progress, and she'd been in labor for over 12 hours now. Her doctor came and suggested we use a kick start called Petocin to get you on the move, and she set your mom up on pain medication (contractions can be a little painful Sammy....). Within a few hours your mom had made great progress, and she was ready to push. I can't believe that I'm actually telling you this right now Sam, you were just born 5 days ago, and you're existence is so fresh in my mind that its difficult to fathom....Your mom had been in labor for 17 hours by now, and we were both ready for you to be born. I wish I could describe the scene better, but all I'll tell you is that the process of your mom pushing couldn't have been more calming and bonding. It was me, your mom, and her nurse in the room, and with every contraction I would talk to your mom, help her count while pushing, or just think about you. The one moment that made me realize that you would belong with me came after two hours of pushing. Your mom's doctor was in the room now, and the labor was getting INTENSE, then all of a sudden the door to the room opens, and this 60's looking Asian man just WALKS IN while your mom is contracting.....I shit you not, he walked in like he owned the place. We all just stopped momentarily, and made eye contact, then when he realized his mistake he turned around and made a B-line for the door, with me swiftly following and repeating "Sir you need to leave NOW". Its hard to believe that at that moment, the only thing I was thinking was to not lose my temper. I wanted the room to stay calm, and I had to be calm to take care of it......but literally, I wanted to FREAK THE GEEK OUT!! That moment I now see as the tension cutter needed to reference the rest of this story....you'll soon find out that difficult times are easier to cope with when you can find something....even one thing humorous about the situation, and reference it when you relay it. The reference makes it easier to tell son, it makes you stay in the present emotionally, not in the past. After our unexpected visitor the doctor realized that you were in distress. Your heart-rate was on a roller coaster of racing and dropping, and your head was stuck. Somehow you had moved from the proper position (posterior facing) to "sunny side up" (anterior facing). Your mom had been pushing for almost 4 hours, and to hear that you were in distress, and not close to being out, gave us even more concern. Your mom had a birth plan, and we had forfeited the no Petocin desire earlier thinking it would be ok to get you going. But now the doctor was talking about hooking up a vacuum to your head and pulling you out, the whole idea of this freaked your mother and me out. I was scared for both of you, and felt powerless to do anything. Your mom and I decided that we wanted to try pushing for 30 more minutes, then discuss options. 30 Minutes later, you were no where closer to us than before. Dr. Chu then told us that we needed to start thinking about the vacuum again, and that if that didn't work, we'd have to pull in to an emergency C-section (all of which were part of the "no" list on the birth plan). Your mom kept pushing and they hooked the vacuum up to your head. I saw the doctor putting 10lbs. of pressure pulling on your head, and it looked like the vacuum was gonna break she was pulling so hard. After that, I saw the doctors face, that look is still burned in my mind. She wasn't scared, but the look of concern furrowed her brow in a way that aged her 20 years, and I knew we were going in for the C-section. Your mom knew too, and she started to cry. I told her the one thing we discussed at the end of "planning" your birth: that we would risk it all to make sure you got here safe. In the end, you pushed us to our limits son, we bent every way we could to protect you (your mom especially, so don't be too hard on her when you're a teenager). I saw your mom rushed off to the operating room, and was holding back tears while holding her hand and briskly walking next to her. Understand this Sam, your mother's love is the strongest feeling you'll ever experience. None of this is possible without your mom. My life, our family, and your life are all tied to her, without her we would be like ships in the sea without a guide, without sails, and without rum.....When I walked in to the operating room (after reading a doctor the riot act for separating us), your mom was already being prepped. I sat next to her and held her hand tighter as we felt every tug of them trying to get you out, and with every tug you mom would look closer and closer into me, we stared at each other for the whole time. That is until I heard them say they had you, I made sure I was on the proper side to see you when you were out, and they started going to work on you immediately. When you came out you weren't breathing, and were covered in your own shit. You had been in labor so long that you pooped in the process. The people working on you lifted you up, then it happened, your eyes opened and you started to cry.....I swear you looked at me, but I'm sure that's just the dad in me speaking. When you came out you had a full head of hair, and I swear you have a giant penis too (you'll be happy about that later). The doctors took you over to your mom and me, still in the operating room, and I got to hold you for the first time. You were swaddled up in a blanket, and really freaked out. Then they said you had to go the the pediatrics ward to be checked, and your mom did the first "mom" thing in her life, she looked at me and said "go with our son, and make sure he's ok, and bring him back to me as soon as you can" That's what I did Sam, I went everywhere with you, and you didn't leave my sight until your mom ordered me to go home and "chill out for an hour". That's your story Sam, and I just want you to know, no matter how hard it was to get you here, we're beaming with joy for you. I've felt my heart immediately grow each time I hold you, or hear you cry, or have you poop on my hand while I'm changing you (happened today little man....don't let it be a habit).

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. Dear Alex, we have not met but I am Kristal's acquaintance-friend. (I know Kristal and Lizzy through JR) This is Anika by the way. Hope to meet you and Sam soon.
    Your blog made me cry from joy. It was so heart touching. Kristal is truly lucky to have you in her life. I am so happy for her. This is what I truly think she wanted for the long time, to have a true, real life experience, full of honest love and happiness.
    I am sure your Sam will be just like you two and even more cool and unique.
    Congratulations!
    All the best to you, cheers to the bright future!

    -a

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  3. Alex, I do hope you continue to write to Sam over the years. He will treasure this for a lifetime. What a great father you will be and loving Sam’s mother is part of what will make it so very special for him. Congratulations to you and the new family from your Oklahoma Cousins currently living in Germany!

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  4. Hi Alex,
    You probably don't remember me, but I met you last year at Rounin's birthday party at SLO -- I'm the other Alex's other sister :) At that time, I had just gotten engaged and was talking to you and Kristal (mainly to Kristal) about wedding stuff.

    I just wanted to say how wonderful your blog is! It is so genuine, emotional, open, honest - you just lay it all out there! The three of you are so lucky to have each other and I hope you continue to keep writing to Sammy!

    Take care,
    Ayellee

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  5. Thanks everyone for your kind words. It means so much to our small fam.

    Loves,
    Kristal, Alex and Baby Sam

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