Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Taking a Chance


Wow....I can't believe I've been away from your blog for this long.... No excuses Sam, won't happen again. A lot has happened in the past few months. We've settled into our new home, gone through 2 more cars (ask your mom, she loves to talk about our cars....), and your Mom and I got married. Yep, we tied the knot on July 23, 2011. It was our 4 year anniversary, and what a party we had! You won't remember, but you were there too. We got you a little man's suit, blue with a great bow tie. I lost one of your shoes, so you went barefoot.....sorry dude. You would have been wearing a pair of kick ass black and white checkered Vans, I thought your mom would never let me hear the end of it. I must admit, our wedding was way beyond my expectations. Your mom looked stunning, I looked pretty good too, and most importantly your mom said "I Do" without hesitation. Your whole family came, Tio Mikey was my best man, and Tia Vanessa was your mom's maid of honor. Lately I've been thinking about how close this all came to never happening. How close we came from missing out on you, and on each other. Your Mom and I were visiting friends the other night when I had a moment of clarity after the craziness of our recent lives. I realized this little life we're all building together came down to one choice I made, and one I asked your mother to make. Before we start, you have to remember the number one rule about being in a committed relationship: Relationships are MESSY! You have to work, and work and work on them. This is a messy story Sam, with a party at the end. I'll begin with the messy. Your mother and I met at a crossroads of sorts in our individual lives. I'll avoid the details and just tell you that NEITHER one of us was ready to love, or be in a relationship. There was a difference between us that we both recognized. We connected so deeply, and so fast, that we saw in each other a chance at redemption. We were inseparable immediately, but not without conflict. Early in our relationship, even though she loved me, your mother was truly conflicted about love. We went to see a movie advertised as a romantic comedy, the movie was "Two Days in Paris", but should have been named "A Relationship Killer". After walking out of a movie that pretty much showed the worst of human nature in a relationship, we both were in a different state of mind. I shook it off after a couple blocks, but your mom's introspection meter was running off the charts. I could tell that this might be our last date, really Sam, that's what it felt like. I knew your mom was thinking of ways to break up or to make me leave. The whole way home we talked about "us", and how she wasn't too keen on "us" anymore. I wasn't totally shocked, I'm an eternal optimist, and I was even questioning "us". Never before had such a shitty Julie Delpy movie wreaked more havoc. I mean there was NO redeeming quality about this movie. I can still remember the intensity of that night. There was suddenly a wall between your mom and I. By the time we walked back to your mom's apartment, I knew I had to get upstairs. I had to remind her that we weren't that couple, that we were great together. Just as she was getting out her keys to go home, I told her I really had to go pee (I knew she wouldn't say no, so I lied, I actually just hang out in her bathroom and counted to 30 with the faucet on). After the fake bathroom scheme worked, I decided to be bold again. I walked out and told your mom "choose me or choose your past." I told her I loved her, that there was no-one on this earth that could love her more. Your mother's reaction was not at all what I expected. She just turned red with anger, and started yelling at me to leave, but I stood my ground. Then, just as your mother's voice began to crack with anger (this bold approach wasn't turning out as well as the bathroom one had), I broke down. Breaking down isn't necessarily a bad thing Son, sometimes it helps to get rid of the BS. I just looked at her, eyes tearing up, and begged her "give me a chance, just give me a chance". The yelling stopped, and I asked her again. She didn't say yes, but she let me stay, so I took that as a positive. I've thought about that night quite a bit lately. On the precipice of a different life, we both boldly took a chance on each other. On July 23, 2011 we took another chance, we committed ourselves to a life together. I can't explain the joy I have in my heart for the last 3 weeks. Our wedding ended in a dance party that included your Aunt Suz "credit carding" a suit jacket on the dance floor. I told your mom how important she is to me, and know that I made the right choice in her. 60 of our friends and family came to bear witness, drink, dance, eat, and celebrate. On the day of our wedding I thought about "Two Days in Paris", the night I refused to leave your mom, begging her to give me a chance and I was thankful. Thankful that I took a chance on your mom, that she gave me her heart, that we had you, and that I will never have to know my life without either you or her. I hope you have a patient and steadfast heart, because this life we all live requires one to be happy. Sam, I want you to take chances, and not only in love. Take chances on forgiving someone, choosing your path in life, and always take the chance on giving 100% of yourself to those you love. What happens after is gonna give you joy, pain, wisdom, and a life rich in love.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Time To Grow Son


Its been a while since my last post, we've been a very busy household these past three months. You went on a whirlwind family tour with stops in Las Vegas, Puerto Rico for a wedding, and three stops in Texas (Houston, Bandera, and San Antonio) to visit family. When the tour was over your mom and I decided to add more stress to our lives and move. When you're older son, you'll understand that your mom and I are in constant movement, and you're along for the ride..... Now that we're settled in the new house (your gonna love it!) I've had a bit of time to reflect on the amount of change your mother and I have gone through these first 5 months of your life. First of all, even though I'm the goofy one, it seems that I'm going to be the disciplinary parent. Your mother loves you too much, she can't bear the idea of not giving in to your cuteness. You turned over on your belly for the first time this week. Your mom was the first eye witness. I've been waiting for you to turn over for a few weeks now, and you've been teetering on the edge of doing it too. Once you did, and it was in front of your mom, I knew what was going on. You were saving it, you wanted to show off to her....it was my proudest moment as a father thus far, and now you won't stop rolling and rolling everywhere. Beyond the physical changes in where we live and what you're doing, I've seen a real change in almost everything in my life. I'm sure any new father feels more reflective when his baby arrives, but this is different. I'm seeing the world and my own past experiences with different perspective. Before you my memories were seen only through my own self, almost as if I was in a vacuum of thoughts all my own. Now I'm re-living playing baseball with my dad as a child, and seeing the joy he must have had as a father in that moment. I think about the moments I've been impressed with myself, and think about your impressive moments to come. I can see my past with a whole new perspective with you. I've been lost in thought about your grandfather lately, re-living memories and seeing them through a father's eyes. I've been getting closer to my mom too, you call her Mimi. She came last month to help us move, and stayed for 3 weeks. If you knew me "pre-you" Sam I generally start kicking and cussing after a house guest is here for 4 days, much less 3 weeks. You can ask anyone....it's not one of my better traits. As your Mimi's arrival approached I actually started to get excited about seeing her. I wanted to ask her so many questions about me as a baby, see what her thoughts were when I was your age, find out what kind of baby I was, but most of all I wanted her to see you. I think you've made me love my mom more. These sort of perspective changes are happening all over in my life because of you. I see the contributions my family makes, and the sacrifices your mom and I make as signs that I'm loved more than I ever thought before. You're the sign that its time for me to grow, and try to follow this path. You're growing leaps and bounds, and apparently so am I. Don't get too happy Sam, I'm still cranky most of the time, and my lack of patience still needs patience to deal with. What I can say is that being around you makes me a better person, and I'm really happy you're here.